Achievers/Bums - 8/18/08

I've got to make this quick because the season premiere of "The Hills" is starting (if you click on the link, the ads will tell you all you need to know about the show). "The Hills" is one of those shows that I don't watch, but my wife watches. Which basically means that I complain about the show, but secretly watch it when she's not home. Tonight "my wife" is watching a double-feature of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" and "The Hills". I've already learned so many things tonight: the sextuplets like the beach, Audrina's family keeps her grounded, Miss Lippy's car... is green ("Billy Madison" has been playing continuously in my head since 1994 - I'm aware that the movie didn't come out until 1995, which makes it even weirder). I thought I would share all of this with you. Why? What's the significance? I don't know.

Light schedule, but there were some Achievers and, of course, worthless, pathetic Bums tonight.

ACHIEVERS

Gary Sheffield - OF - Detroit Tigers - 3/5, HR, 2 RBI, 2 R - Sheff is still very, very angry. Keep him in your lineup.

Jermaine Dye - OF - Chicago White Sox - 2/5, 2 2B, 2 RBI, 2 R - I still haven't forgiven myself for not picking Dye a couple of months ago. He was available and I needed to fill an outfield spot, but I picked Hawpe instead. Hawpe had a bad game and was dropped the next day. Dye hit two home runs and hasn't looked back since then. He just keeps producing.

Aubrey Huff - 2/4, HR, 2B, 3 RBI - In my points league, Huff ranks between Carlos Lee and Hanley Ramirez. I was not aware of that until just now. Huh. I still won't draft him next year. But hey, if you picked him up early in the year, you deserve a big cookie.

Jason Bay - OF - Boston Red Sox - 3/5, 2 HR, 4 RBI, 3 R, 1 SB - Just Jason being Jason.

The Dodgers - Great move to pick up Greg Maddux. He's not a great pitcher anymore, but he basically gives the Dodgers another pitching coach and he will be a great example for the rest of the pitching staff.

BUMS

Randy Wolf - SP - Houston Astros - Loss, 5.0 IP, 6 ER, 5 H, 3 BB, 1 HBP, 4 K - Ed Wade traded for Wolf because he was "a competitor". Perhaps he was referring to Wolf's Connect Four skillz, because the pitching has not been competitive. At all. Hey, at least the Astros have their, "foot in the door" for signing Wolf next year.

Spencer - D-bag - "The Hills" - If you've seen his act for at least ten seconds, you will concur. In a way, his D-baggery is so breathtaking that you almost have to admire it. But at the end of the day, if you saw him in person, you'd want to punch him in the throat.

Achievers/Bums - 8/12/08

Man, it's weird to see Adam Dunn on a winning team. So, we take a couple of days off, and all hades breaks loose. Carlos Lee and Carl Crawford out for the year? Evan Longoria out three to four weeks? Hey, at least no one was counting on production from those guys in the second half. The Big Donkey to the Diamondbacks? (He'll still hit his 40). USA Swimming is sweeping the nation? Aaron Harang gets rocked in his return to action? OK, I should've seen the last one coming become Aaron Harang hates me and wants to ruin my life.

ACHIEVERS

Michael Phelps/USA Swimming - 4 Gold Medals and counting - I never thought I'd give a crap about swimming and I had Michael Phelps fatigue before the Olympics started, but now I'm eating it up. That bitch-slap our boys put on the French was one of the coolest things I've seen in sports ever. Oh, and in case you missed it - Michael Phelps gets his food on in an epic way.

David Ortiz/Kevin Youkilis - Boston Red Sox - combined 5/9, 4 HR, 11 RBI, 6 R, 3 BB - In a game versus the Rangers that was packed with offensive goodness, these guys were the biggest studs. Honorable mention to Dustin Pedroia, Ian Kinsler and Marlon Byrd.

Gary Sheffield - OF/DH - Detroit Tigers - 2/4, 2 HR - Gary Sheffield hits better when he's angry, which is pretty much always. The Tigers placed him on waivers Tuesday, which will probably make him even angrier, so expect lots of violently struck baseballs off the bat of angry Sheff.

Javier Vazquez - SP - Chicago White Sox - Win, 8.0 IP, 0 ER, 5 H, 1 BB, 10 K - Vazquez has been rocky so far in the second half, but I still think he can be a hidden gem if you need another SP to help you in the stretch run. He doesn't always get to face the Royals, unfortunately, but he'll rack up strikeouts and get you some wins because he's on a good team.

Nick Markakis - OF - Baltimore Orioles - 2/3, 2B, 2 RBI, SF - Ladies and gentleman, I give you: the new Bobby Abreu. Granted, he's not Bobby Abreu in his prime, but he's the current Bobby Abreu, which is still pretty darn good. He's had a great season so far and he should be a top-15 outfielder next year.

BUMS

Joel Zumaya - RP - Loss, BS, 2 ER, 2 H, 3 BB - Detroit Tigers - Seriously, I miss Todd Jones.

Gary Sheffield Is an Angry Achiever

Gary Sheffield had a homer and a walk-off hit last night. Also, he's an angry, angry man. Still, you probably want to add him if he's available. If nothing else, he is great trade bait if he gets on a hot streak.

Albert Pujols has been activated from the disabled list by the Cards. He should be back in the lineup today.

David Ortiz took 25 swings on a tee without any issues, but it appears he is still a few weeks away from returning to the lineup.

Aaron Harang has been a shell of himself the last few starts. He's only had one good start since he Dusty pitched him in the 13th-16th innings against the Padres in May.

Mike Gonzalez picked up his second save in two chances last night. Looks like he is the answer at closer for the Braves as he doesn't have much competition.

Joba Chamberlain threw 114 pitches and got his first win as a starter last night. He struck out 7 and walked 1.

Joakim Soria got his 21st save last night while striking out two.