"This is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules."
Rule #1 - Ken Griffey Jr. will disappoint you.
Rule #2 - It's ok to have one teeny-bopper, pop song in your iPod rotation at a time. Just one. Currently mine is Sneakernight by Vanessa Hudgens - a song ostensibly about sneakers and, uh, dancing. What? It's catchy. Plus I've got a thing for tube socks.
Rule #3 - When offering a trade to another owner, do not insult his team (or intelligence) in the process. Here's an example of what not to do: "Dude, I see you're starting that piece of crap Howie Kendrick at 2b for some reason. Are you retarded? I wouldn't start Howie Kendrick on my co-ed, church softball team. I've got Cano and B. Roberts. I'll take J. Santana off your hands, as he's clearly having an off year. Let's do it!"
Rule #4 - A save is a save is a save. Unless you close for the Tigers. Then a save is a roller-coaster is a blown save.
Rule #5 - You are not as cool as Mr. Belding, but compared to Screech you're Miles Davis.