Adam Dunn - OF - Cincinnati Reds - 3/5, 2 HR - Adam Dunn might hit 40 HR's in the second half. Adam Dunn wants to eat your children. Adam Dunn eats flour and poops pancakes. Adam Dunn makes Bill Brasky look like a hobo.
Bobby Abreu - OF - New York Yankees - 3/4, 2 HR, 2B, 3 RBI, 4 R, BB - Bobby had a big day for the Yankees against the Orioles yesterday. He's getting hot at just the right time for owners needing to make a big move down the stretch.
Chad Billingsley - SP - Los Angeles Dodgers - CG Shutout, 5 H, 0 BB, 8 K's - Someone call Mulder and Scully, because this kid is "the truth". He's shutting teams out and he's doing it with K's. Billingsley has crossed over into keeper territory in most formats. I know you think it's too late, but make an offer for him anyway (unless you're in a league with me). People can be idiots, and you may get lucky.
The Astros - Well, the Astros have gone and made another move to bolster their pitching staff for the stretch run. On Wednesday they received LaTroy Hawkins from the Yankees for a ham sandwich. When notified of the trade, Hawkins seemed almost as surprised as me: "I'm pretty excited," he said. "I was sitting at home doing nothing. Now all of a sudden a team wants me. I'm pretty excited about that." That's right, LaTroy - Ed Wade wants to drink your bathwater. Wade went on about how LaTroy is a "competitor" blah, blah, blah. The same blather he was spouting after the Wolf trade. So far, so bad on that one, by the way. I don't know exactly how much of Hawkins salary the Astros are going to have to pick up, but regardless of the amount, it's a waste. Sometimes I just want to choke Ed Wade. To celebrate the new addition, the Astros went out and got throttled by the Reds.
Fernando Rodney - RP - Detroit Tigers - Blown Save - F--- Rodney.
Jared from Subway - I'm sorry, but he's getting fat again. I don't have proof, but I can sense it.